Mama

When you are young, you dream of what life will be like when you are older. As a child, you play make believe of the adventures you will have as an adult. I see my girls pretend all of the time to be medical doctors, vets, hairdressers, clerks, and waitresses. In our youth, we have the ability to imagine, dream, and believe we can achieve anything.

As a child, I too remember playing. Just like my girls, my sisters and I liked to pretend and imagine what our future careers would be. As I grew older, the memories of playing and imagining my future stayed with me. Now, as I approach my thirties, I look back at the dreams I once had. One thing I always imagined as a little girl, as I held and fed my baby dolls, pretended to cook, clean and do laundry, was to become a wife and a mom.

I was never the type to admit I didn’t need a man in my life. My dreams consisted of being a mom, but first becoming a wife. I have unceasingly wanted to be the secret weapon behind a man's success. The confidant to a hero, that saves the world with his abilities that are only made better because of the wife that stands beside him. So, when Adam and I first started dating, right after high school, I knew pretty quickly that he was the other half to my dream.

Our story is a fun one. As I mentioned, we didn’t start dating until after high school, but we knew each other well during our teen years. After graduation, we had each split from our high school significant others and each of our families were vacationing in Ocean City, Maryland at the same time. We had our first date by the water. Once we returned home, Adam was about to leave for college, which made things difficult on starting a relationship. After a few visits, and a couple months later, we decided to officially become boyfriend and girlfriend. Adam and I were married just after he finished college.

A couple years after marriage, we decided we wanted our family to grow. I always had specific plans in mind for this. We were blessed, and very soon, we were expecting our first baby girl. Aria Joy was due Christmas day 2016. Then when Aria was just nine months old, we discovered Everly was on her way.

As I navigated life as a new mom, while working, and being a wife, my faith became just a part of me, but not all of me. I lost sight of the role God was playing in my life, like I have numerous times. I was imagining my life, rather than letting God take control and paint the picture of the story He had for me. Looking back, I see the intervention He had throughout the days and because of Him I have many stories to share. The way I imagined life as a wife and mother hasn’t been anything I expected, but God has created us to live for His purpose and plan for our lives, not our own.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

One major aspect I left out of my story is my college experience. For those of you who knew me then, you know I spent five years in college. I started my studies at the local community college, and because of my desire to help people, I studied nursing. At the time, I did feel like that was the path God wanted me to take. Fast forward to the last semester of nursing school, right before graduation, and I failed. Yes, after 3 years of studying at the community college, right before becoming a nurse, I didn’t pass the final exam by one point. I didn’t graduate as a nurse, and I am not a nurse today.

The days after this happened, I was sad, frustrated and mad. If God was telling me that being a nurse was how I was going to make the world a better place, why would He let me fail?

After a few weeks of getting over the initial shock of failure, I laid out the options I had to continue. I could wait a year and repeat the last semester of nursing school, or I could enroll at Slippery Rock University and start a new path to a bachelor’s degree.

Looking back, I can see that God was taking back control of the situation. While I thought nursing was His plan for me, it wasn’t. However, He did know that many years later, my time in nursing school would be useful. He prepared me for today. He gave me the skills and abilities I need to take care of a child with cancer. I already knew how to take vital signs, give medicines, give NG tube feedings, change dressings, etc. If it wasn’t for God’s intervention in my life, I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing to you.

If you are in a time of failure right now, hold on tight, take a deep breath, and pray. God isn’t done with you yet, and He is going to use you to fulfill His purpose. God uses failures to grow our faith and remind us of His faithfulness, even in our imperfections.

I quickly fell in love with my studies at SRU. I began to take classes focusing on the nonprofit sector. I felt at peace with the decision to not finish nursing school and to extended my learning into courses of community engagement, philanthropy, and lots and lots of writing. It's interesting that now, I feel God is calling me to share my stories through writing. Long story short, I graduated with a bachelor’s degree and was able to further my career within the YMCA.

When life is going good, we rarely praise Jesus, but when we need Him, all we do is pray. Life was good. I was moving forward as a working wife and mom. I didn’t know where God was going to take me next, but He knew.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

Throughout my life God has been there. Like many times in the Bible, He used my failures for His glory, purpose and plan. He has always had a very detailed and intricate intention for me even with my short comings. My friend, He has a plan for you too!

My story doesn't end here, because, just when I thought I was fulfilling His purpose for me, He once again reminded me that He is in control. I certainly wasn’t prepared for what was coming next: another baby, Leah Grace. Once again, God was directing me to be "Mama."