I Have Given Up on Choosing Joy

Almost everywhere you look these days there is some type of motivational phrase with the word “joy” in it. From t-shirts that say “Choose Joy,” to TV shows that claim joy is found by eliminating unwanted junk in your home, the concept of joy is everywhere. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, it is easier said than done. While you may have some peace by cleaning out the junk in your house, and you might enjoy the reminder in the mirror when you wear your t-shirt, these concepts aren’t going to bring lasting, true joy.

Over the last few months of my life, I have had to wrestle with the idea of joy a lot. What is joy? How can I choose joy when life is difficult? Why would I choose joy when I feel like giving up?

As I navigate through Aria’s life after bone marrow transplant, with the constant fear of relapse, the lasting side effects, the continued isolation from the world, in addition to the other stresses of raising three kids, being away from home, paying bills, being an involved wife, etc, etc, I am not choosing joy. In fact, I have totally given up on it all together.

I know the trial that I am facing right now might not look anything like yours. What I do know is everyone is facing something. I think in our world today, with the cultural unrest, chaos, global pandemic, and overall mass anxiety, we are all searching and longing for joy.

I so badly want joy. I so badly want joy that I do not have to choose. I want a joy that comes naturally, that I carry with me no matter the circumstances.

When you search the web about joy, words like bliss, cheer, glee, pride, satisfaction and comfort appear. Just maybe, this is the type of joy you are looking for, but for me, this is not the everlasting joy I want filling my every breath. I want joy when I am not full of bliss, cheer, glee, pride, satisfaction or comfort. I want inconceivable, unexplained joy, which leads me to believe that our circumstances shape how we see joy, how we need joy and who can give us the unending joy we so desperately long for.

In the bible, there is a story about a city that was completely destroyed. Very similar to how we may feel life is right now, the city needed rebuilt. In this time of restoration, the people of Israel were reminded by Ezra: “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10)

What I am doing is looking above for hope, and asking Jesus to take this terrible nightmare and rebuild my life. This doesn’t make me special, perfect, without sin or even someone to look up to. And, this doesn’t mean that I am happy all the time. In fact, many days I struggle to keep smiling. To me, this means that I put in every effort to remember that the giver of joy knows every circumstance before it happens, and He walks beside me. I am choosing to walk with Jesus. I am choosing to follow Jesus and I am choosing to lean on Jesus for the joy only He can provide.

The bible says: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

Life is messy and we are all imperfect in our own ways. Even still, Jesus can’t be taken away, and therefore neither can the authentic joy that comes with knowing Him. Through our struggles, through our tears, through our unknown, on the good days and on the bad days, and through our incredibly hard season of life, I am living as a daughter of the King of Kings with His everlasting, all consuming JOY.

I hope you will join me.

#daughterwithjoy