Toddler Confidence

The word confidence may stir up many different emotions. You may be reading this thinking: Confidence? What is that? Or, maybe you have chosen to embrace confidence for yourself. While most of us think of self-confidence when discussing the topic, we are confident in so many things throughout our days. The majority of you reading this probably use an alarm to wake up in the morning and with assurance, rely on that alarm to wake you from your nightly slumber. If you are sitting on a chair right now, you probably have no lack of doubt that the chair will break, but instead it will hold you while you sit. On a less serious note, I have full trust in my coffee each morning to help me start and make it through the day.

As you think of confidence, you may also think of overconfidence. Maybe you are now remembering that guy from high school that everyone loved and thought he was going to play in the NFL one day. Or that lady at work, who pretends that she knows everything and seems that without any doubts, she knows she will be successful. You may be thinking of that one person who seems to not worry at all as she wears her “itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini” at the pool. I would argue to say that a level of overconfidence is looked at negatively in our society. While sometimes overconfidence can be harmful to others, many times a healthy level of trust is critical for a functioning world.

If you have spent any time with a toddler you have seen confidence displayed in a way like never before. Our toddler (who is maybe now a preschooler, but I am trying to keep her little), for whatever reason, has very little fear. If there is a thought in her head to jump from one couch to another that is 20 feet away, she is going to try. Not only that, the girl could look like she just stuck her finger in an electric socket, but puts on a princess dress and walks around like she is the bee’s knees. She has an unfailing trust in me that I will take care of her. She knows that her parents provide money for our family, and has no doubts that we will continue to do so. When she runs to the dinner table, she doesn’t question that her food was safely made to nourish her. She knows without any doubt.

The confidence of my 3 year old has really had me digging deeper within myself to examine my confidence in Jesus.

Dictionary.com defines confidence as: “full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing. Every day, I trust in the material things of this world. My alarm clock wakes me up. My coffee gives me the caffeine I need to get moving. My ice-maker makes ice for my water. My chair holds me as I sit to eat breakfast. My TV turns on so that I can catch up on the daily news (which I can be confident will disappoint me). While many days my self-confidence is lacking, I can also rely on myself. I know I can hold my kids. I am confident I can fold the laundry for my family. I can make breakfast, lunch, dinner and the 6 million snacks my kids insist on.

The truth is when I think about confidence, I never think about having confidence in Jesus or because of Jesus. I have believed in God for most of my life, and grew up in the church, but for decades I have ignored the fact that confidence in all aspects of life comes from above.

My salvation and my honor depend on God

He is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times, you people;

pour out your hearts to him,

for God is our refuge. Psalm 62: 7-8

If you have been reading my blogs, or following our family on Facebook for long, you may be thinking exactly what crosses my mind every single day: “But how can you be confident in Jesus when life has gone terribly wrong?”

Over the past 3 years of navigating childhood cancer, watching Aria Joy endure chemotherapy, radiation, two bone marrow transplants all while watching other families lose their children to cancer has changed my views on life in so many ways.

While I wish I could say I have total confidence without questioning, I found myself asking God for a sign. I am sure you have done this too. “God, if you would just show me the way, or how this is going to end, I promise I will put my trust in you.”

In April of 2022, when we learned that Aria’s leukemia was back yet again, we were not confident. This time was different; the doctors warned us that when leukemia changes the chance of lifelong cure is even smaller and we were already told that the survival rate was minimal. In my fear, I started to beg God. Through tears and with a broken heart, I asked him for a sign.

Aria was looking forward to going to school in-person, and starting kindergarten. The reality was in-person school was now not even an option because her immune system would be depleted and unable to fight against other germs. Even worse, there was a very high chance that Aria would leave this world before starting school. Soon after the news of relapse and the decision to try another bone marrow transplant, Aria graduated preschool. With the unknown of the future, we had a small graduation party for her, so of course I took to Amazon to find the perfect “Pre-k Grad” shirt.

In the two days it took for Amazon Prime to deliver the newly purchased shirt to our doorstep, I continued asking God to show me that Aria would be ok. I have done this so many times in my life without an answer, but in a weird way it was bringing me comfort, because it let me hold on to control that I desperately wanted in the situation.

The shirt had finally arrived and it was time to make sure it fit Aria for the party. As I opened the package, I noticed the shirt seemed really big. I unfolded the black shirt I ordered with a dancing unicorn on it and out fell another black shirt. The shirts were clearly stuck together and when packaged it went unnoticed. The shirt I didn’t purchase had a video game controller pictured on it. It was definitely not something I would have bought for a little girl. The words on the shirt completely took my breath away. It read: “Kindergarten level complete.”

In my breathless state, I began to sob. I knew exactly what had happened, and it wasn’t an Amazon employee mistake, it was Jesus. He answered my plea for a sign.

I would like to say right then and there I had full confidence that Jesus was going to help Aria and our family get through the months that followed. That we would indeed make it through to kindergarten graduation day. We did make it to that day, but having faith in God, and being confident He will take care of you doesn’t mean the trials of life will disappear.

In the Bible, there are several instances where people asked God for a sign to confirm His will or to demonstrate His power. One notable example can be found in the book of Judges in the Old Testament.

In Judges 6:36-40, Gideon asks God for a sign:

"Gideon said to God, 'If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised— look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said.' And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water.

Then Gideon said to God, 'Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece, but this time make the fleece dry and let the ground be covered with dew.' That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew."

Gideon asked God for a specific sign using a fleece to confirm His will, and God granted his request by providing the requested signs. This story is often cited as an example of seeking a sign from God for guidance or confirmation.

Whatever you may be facing today, you may find yourself in the same circumstance. If you are asking God for a sign that you will make it through, He has already given it to you. You do not need a physical reminder. God is telling you now, to have the confidence. He is the beginning and the end. Make Him your rock of refuge. Make Him your strength and song. With or without a sign, He is not going to leave you in your troubles, you just have to have total confidence like a toddler, that He has got this.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2